Boneyard Brand ~ Philip Brent Harris

Sung to the tune of, I am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General
from Gilbert and Sullivan’s Buffa Operetta, The Pirates of  Penzance.

We are the very model of insanity in general
We’ve information violent, atrocical and criminal
We know the guns of murder, and we quote the deaths statistical
From Birmingham to Newtown in order and ballistical

We’re very well appointed too, with bullets magazinical
We understand evasions, both the simple and strategical
About our weapons many, we are scheming to hold on to them
Through the help of sneering hacks within the ranks of congressmen

Through the help of sneering hacks within the ranks of congressmen
Through the help of sneering hacks within the ranks of congressmen
Through the help of sneering hacks within the ranks of congressmen

We’re rude to everyone with different looks and attitudes
We know the patriotic names found in books and platitudes
In short, in matters violent, atrocical and criminal
We are the very model of insanity in general

In short, in matters violent, atrocical and criminal
We are the very model of insanity in general

We know our mythic history from Klu Klux Klan to McCarthy
We answer hard accusers with rhetorical perfidity
We quote our TV pundits, all the slime and lies they feed us
In truth we disregard every fact that doesn’t please us

We can tell undoubted liberals versus Donald Trumps and Reaganites
We mock the croaking chorus of the bleeding-heart suburbanites
So we may kill any twinge of conscience, oh so rarely heard before
And whistle loudly over warnings from that leftist Michael Moore

And whistle loudly over warnings from that leftist Michael Moore
And whistle loudly over warnings from that leftist Michael Moore
And whistle loudly over warnings from that leftist Michael Moore

Then we quash a senate bill on background checks, they’re not for us
And tell the lobbyists and NRA to deposit checks for us
When such affairs as distant wars and mass shootings are buried on page ten
Then we can know a guilty conscience will never trouble us again

In fact we’re quick to offer up religious slurs and prejudice
And tell ourselves it’s not our fault other peoples hate us
When bomb attacks hit close to home and victims are Caucasian
We’ll know precisely who and where to target for invasion

When we have taught all children the details of modern gunnery
When we all know less of God than a novice in a nunnery
In short without a smattering of fear or of humility
We will say insanity in general is our just goal you see

Our empathy feelings, long unused, languish in atrophy
The few who cry beware are always mocked for their timidity
But still in matters violent, atrocical and criminal
We are the very model of insanity in general

But still in matters violent, atrocical and criminal
We are the very model of insanity in general